Footballers

There was a time when footballers appeared on the back pages of our newspapers and could thus be relatively easily avoided. Now it seems they pervade half the British press with their increasingly bizarre antics.

It wasn't that long ago that we had to endure pages of newsprint devoted to the breakdown of the Cole's marriage, as if we were interested. This was followed by lurid details of Peter Crouch (the one who needs clearance from air traffic control before he can jump for a header) and his carry on with a prostitute and now we have to suffer the same nonsense from Mr & Mrs Rooney. As if anybody really cares.

You would also think that anybody being paid £100 grand per week wouldn't really need to do any moonlighting to earn a bit of pin money but apparently they do so we have Ronaldo modelling knickers and Beckham selling cheap scent.

The problem with all this extra-curricular activity is that it seems to leave little time for actually playing or practicing any football which could explain why England are rubbish.

So AutoRant's suggestion is this: stop messing about, guys, and do what you are paid millions to do and get a bit of practice in because God knows you need it.

I suppose it might also help if the team had a manager who spoke more than two words of English ("millions" and "pounds") but I suppose we should be grateful that at least he only has five fingers to count on when negotiating his salary or the FA really would have financial problems.