Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Why it's obvious that God is British

In a week when we have a Floridan nutcase preacher with a massive congregation of, er, well, say two dozen, who wants to start another Jihad by burning copies of the Koran, AutoRant reflects that it is clearly obvious that God is British.

For a start, you do not shit in your own back yard. This is why Britain doesn't have tsunamis or earthquakes (well apart from a few rumblings in the Midlands in order to keep the Brummies on their toes) and why He makes volcanoes in Eyjafjallajökull to teach the Icelanders a lesson for nicking our cod and threatening our chip shops in Whitby. Because God invented fish and chips for His Great British people and just gave the French some snails and frog's legs.

It explains why we have a green and pleasant land inhabited by fluffy bunnies whereas Muslims have to live in the desert with scorpions and why they cannot have beer or bacon sandwiches. Because God made those for the British, His own people.

God gave Britain Pink Floyd, Her Majesty the Queen and Doctor Who and the Yanks had to put up with second best in the form of Michael Jackson, George Bush and The Simpsons.

And of course God created the Red Arrows for Britain whilst the Americans had to make do with that midget Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

The evidence is clearly irrefutable.

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